Over the past few weeks I have been experiencing some setbacks spiritually, I have felt like I have stopped growing because of this constant feeling I haven’t been very productive anymore..
I am not able to give as much as would have to the people who come to me, my self esteem dropped and I wasn’t praying as much I used to, I prayed and fasted about it, I tried to reconnect but I wasn’t able to because I was just dealing with the symptoms instead of digging into the root of my problem, I could see myself grow vulnerable everyday little did I know it was all in my head.
God never condemned me but I condemned myself mentally and unknowingly, I forgot his word that says that no matter how dirty or undeserving I was he still wanted me, I forgot how he tells me that no matter how many times I am rejected his arms will always be wide open to me, I was going through mental rejection and self loathe, I had suddenly forgotten who I am, that I am the daughter of a king and that no matter how many times I am rejected my father loves me.
Going through a breakup is never easy, but disappointment and betrayal hurts much more when it comes from those we would have sworn would always be there for us..
my life had suddenly become shaky after my 3 year old relationship ended a few weeks ago, I haven’t been able to write or film more videos for my vlog, I was constantly struggling with trying to take back my life, my identity and also convince my self that I am not cursed and I deserve all the happiness the world has to offer, a lot of people reading this right now might be surprised and wonder how I keep telling people to stay strong and motivated every single day, but yes this is the truth! This is who I am, I am human, I have my bad days too, there are days I struggle with living, there are times I struggle with practicing what I preach but that doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with me, it means I am simply human, I cannot control what life throws at me but I can definitely control how I take it in and what I do with it and I decided to just like who I truly am (the daughter of a king) to make the best out of it and carry my pain with grace.
I asked my self over and over again what to do and where to go from here but I found the answer eventually even thou it has been staring at me right in my face! I had to talk about it, I had to go to my father about it and vent which I did you can not imagine how soothing that was and it left me wondering why I didn’t just do that in the first place, I had to share my pain with the world, I had to write about it and let everyone know I had been hurt but handled it differently which led to more hurt and mistakes.
I made it through! i was able to move past what had happened to me and i was able to start giving love again which is what he called me to do, i am able to go back to living my purpose, i am not healed properly and that will also happen with time but i am so much better with him than without him, it is indeed true that most times we underestimate how much we need God.
God is always there for you, no matter what life throws at you he will be there to go through it with you, he never promised it was going to be easy but he did promise that you would never ever have to go through it alone, I left him out during the time I needed him most and clung to something I did not need, I excluded him and refused to bare my pain to him because I felt so undeserving, I felt dirty and unwanted but one thing I had forgotten which is the most important thing is that “ I AM NEVER ALONE” I will never be because he will always be there to comfort me, heal me and make me stronger, and I am writing article right now to remind you that you will never be alone, he is right at the door of your heart waiting and knocking to be let in.
Say a silent prayer for me if you got to this part of this article and remember The Father himself Loves you.
You Are Special, You Are Not Alone.