I'm pregnant , I Have To Get Married.

I’M PREGNANT! I HAVE TO GET MARRIED.

A research carried out shows that marriages that occur as a result of unplanned pregnancy have a 90% divorce rate within six years of getting married, unplanned pregnancies is not only a result of immorality and I know that, it could be from a rape, incest or various forms of forced or unwanted sex so I’m never quick to judge when I see a single lady suddenly become pregnant but trying to handle the situation or deal with it by jumping into marriage is a very wrong move, it’s like making a mistake and also try to fix it with a mistake, two wrongs have never made a right.

When you suddenly become pregnant without having planned for it you begin to go through mental and emotional stress…

you worry about how to tell your family, your church, a lot of women consider abortion and a whole other lot cling to marriage as a saving grace, to save them from the shame that they have laid with a man before marriage and what people might say or think about them but the truth is when a milk has been spilled there is no use crying over it instead pull yourself together stay strong and wear the mistakes with pride because we are all human and we are bound to make mistakes and that’s okay but we have to learn from it, we have to learn from a experiences by shaping our lives from it not allowing our lives be shaped by our experiences.

An unplanned or unwanted pregnancy is a crisis for some and a “mere inconvenience” for others. But regardless of the circumstance, the joy of pregnancy and the pride of parenthood are painfully missing. Feelings of guilt … hurt… anger… fear… all bond together like a ton of bricks and press down heavily on the heart. Like Mary and Joseph (Jesus’ parents), you may not understand all that God has planned for you or your baby, but you can know that it is God who formed your baby in the womb, and He did so with a good purpose.

I have met a lot of women who have ended up married when they never planned and wanted to because of an unplanned pregnancy and they always live feeling like they could have achieved more or became more if not for that pregnancy and having to get married, it is true that in the long run kids bring joy and happiness and we finally begin to feel that we made the right decision when you actually didn’t.

women have ended up with men who were not for them in the pursuit of covering up an unplanned pregnancy

And today I want to tell you that unless its out of love don’t get married, you can have that child and take care of him or her, you can recover and focus more on your dreams and aspiration and a man who is for you will want to be with you eventually with or without a child.

My mother had me at 18 , She was just a high school graduate then with a dream bigger than her, but she got knocked up and married my father , as a child I would watch my parents fight and argue and my mother would cry it broke my heart but do you know what broke my heart more? There were days I would get into trouble and she would get so angry that she will tell me that she only got into that marriage because of me and that if not for me she would have lived pursuing her dreams needless to say that my mother never went back to school, she had more kids after me too but would you say that it was inappropriate to tell me those things.. I don’t think so, she needed to let go of that self disappointment , she needed to vent, she needed to remind me of her sacrifices not just as a wife but as a mother too and I grew up to understand that but in return I swore never to get married over an unplanned pregnancy because it not only affects you as a woman and that marriage but also that child you brought into the world  by tying yourself to a man you never planned to, it was a lot of pressure for me to handle as a child, I never allowed myself to make mistakes, I never thought of myself alone , I felt like I was owing her a huge debt which needed to be paid, I never wanted to cry in front of her or ask her for help when I needed it because I felt she had already done too much and trust me this isn’t something you want to do to your child.

You may be thinking right now that this won’t happen to but trust me it will come back to haunt you , you will find yourself unconsciously wondering what your life would have been like if not for an unplanned pregnancy that led to a marriage.

This is a letter from a child who came to the world through an unplanned pregnancy which led to marriage, take care of yourself as a woman, love yourself, because you can only birth self love in others by loving yourself, never be pressured into getting married because you suddenly got pregnant, forget about what the world would say, what your church would say and focus on how you feel and what God would say.

Stay Strong.

Regards,

Nita Okoye.

14 thoughts on “I’M PREGNANT! I HAVE TO GET MARRIED.

  1. An interesting point of view. I definitely don’t agree with the stigma that women should get married (or remained married) when it’s making their lives miserable.

  2. I understand why alot of women would get married once they are pregnant, obviously for security purposes. But just to marry because you are pregnant and especially in a bad relationship is a receipe for disaster. Great well informed post X

  3. Unplanned pregnancy is such a hard topic… and touchy… as a child who given up in adoption because of an unwanted pregnancy – we need to keep options available and not stigmatize them. It’s a hard road to walk.

  4. You advice to focus on what God says is the right thing to do in *every* situation, but especially in a crisis like an unplanned pregnancy. With the huge range of emotions we feel in a crisis, clinging to God’s truth is vital. Feelings can easily lead us astray.

  5. I think in our generation, where weman are totally able to be a single mom, it´s really not the right way to marry someone just because of a pregnancy!

  6. Growing up in a church unwed marriages seemed to be compared to the plague. As I grew older I became more empathetic towards the single mother struggle as my mom was also a single mom at some points in my life. She had me when she was married yo my dad but when they divorced it was just for awhile.

    But to my point unwed mothers already have worries of their own as they are embarking on a new responsibility the least people can do is support them and not judge them. Most mother-to-be’s are fearful of the unknown and I feel the church should life them in prayer not condemn them.

  7. This is definitely an interesting topic. And I might be “poking a bear” saying this…

    I understand that people who are really and strongly religious chose to have sexual intercourse after they get married and I admire that. Actually, one of my best friends did exactly that. But I think the whole non-planned pregnancy issue starts with the unknown and taboos. If people didn’t judge for having pre-marital sex, girls would be maybe even more careful and didn’t rush into it. They would ask about a birth control, they would make sure they use other methods because they could simply go and ask for it. Because when people do have sex *secretly* they mostly do that in a not-smart-way.
    And the same comes with after-getting-pregnant-marriage. People don’t know what to do, they are pushed (or they push themselves) into this unknown area because they feel obligated not because they are ready (that’s a different reason than why they had sex) and are hoping that the society stops judging them for who they were (when they got pregnant). And that is all wrong.

    I completely agree with you, marriage should be a result of a great love and two souls wanting to be together forever. But maybe we have to have some experience or knowledge before we get to that point. Maybe I’ll be judged right now by saying – I did – but I am very happy because I wouldn’t have known that my husband is the real blessing.

    1. I totally agree with your point. Unplanned marriages owing to pregnancy is usually done in ignorance borne out of fear stigma.
      Sex is a natural emotional occurrence and should not be condemned as evil.
      If society can change its world view on sex and sexual related matters maybe it would help our growing youths take better decisions

  8. In my country Ghana where I come from getting pregnant while you not married its frown upon they see it as if you have committed a very big sin some tend to even ignore and reject you. Getting married its a cool idea but don’t do it because uve gotten urself pregnant

  9. I see a lot of people these days getting pregnant out of expectation. I personally think that’s a bit irresponsible and I feel like if it’s the best to get pregnant after marriage. I don’t think you also need to marry someone just because you have a baby together.

  10. Its a good topic and one that perhaps needs to be discussed more openly in families and churches. Marriage and parenting is tough no matter how we look at it. When we get married we need to not do it out of guilt, shame, or piety but rather from a conviction that this person is God’s person for us.
    At the same time, marriage is two different people coming together to live life together. You can have two Christians married and be polar opposites. Whether you marry because of unplanned circumstances or not, you’ve got to be prepared to face life together, love sacrificially and unconditionally, and be quick to forgive.
    Do I agree with you? Yes. I do think that life is a lot more grey than we’d like.
    Bottom line – put the child’s needs first. Is getting married going to be the best thing for the child? or Is it better for the child to have a single parent?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *