The good, bad and ugly of husbands and fathers.

The Good, Bad, and Ugly of Husbands & Fathers

Every little girl grows up wanting to be married to their father. Now of course we can’t marry our fathers, however we often find a mate that is a lot like our fathers. Sometimes that’s a wise and prosperous choice and other times it’s the most disastrous choice…

Husbands and fathers do not come with instructions. Therefore, we as women should find the one that’s as close to what we’re looking for and then we begin the journey of molding them into what we want them to be. Yes, it is possible to make your husband into your dream man, if the love is pure and strong. Every woman deserves that kind of devotion from their husband. If you’re not getting that than, I would do some serious soul searching.

Alright, now we have made our husband into the “perfect” man. I know, I know there’s no such thing, however there is your own version of a perfect man. I know this to be true because I have one! Believe, me when I tell you he wasn’t always the perfect one. It took a lot of hard work, dedication, and prayers, before we made it to where it is today.

Is it possible to have a “perfect” husband but have an epic failure as a father?

Unfortunately, it is very possible. Some husbands still believe that the woman’s place is in the home with the children, and his job is to work and provide for the family. I had a father who was very stern with my mother. My home growing up was always super clean, and our meals were served like clockwork. My father would come home from work and we would get our hello hugs and kisses. Then my mom would help him pull off his work boots and he’d lay back in his favorite chair and fall asleep until dinner was ready. We’d all eat, and then it was time for my mom to get us kids to bed and it was a quiet time for my father as he watched tv and relaxed. No interaction with us until it was time for bed and we would get our kisses goodnight and that was how the week would go.

Now on the weekends my father would have chores for everyone to do and being as he only had daughters we were forced to do anything my father wanted to be done. This would entail digging ditches, moving rocks, tending to the animals, building a barn, and any other thing that he would think up to do. This was my life with my father. He was a good man to his family as in he provided for us. We always had a roof over our head and food in our bellies. If we had a need of something my father would do what he could to see that we had it, not to the point of spoiling, but needed things were provided.

Remember when I told you that little girls grow up to marry their fathers?

Well, of course I didn’t really marry my father, however I did marry an exact replica of my father. I had to take care of our sons and the house and he would work and provide for us. I ran the home. He brought in the money. However, there was all kinds of abuse. I had to have the house cleaned, dinner cooked and ready to be served at five o’clock every night. I wasn’t allowed to leave without the boys, for my husband would say, you’ve had all day to get that done while I was at work. Uh? With two toddlers and no car? Yea, I could do that.

He never wanted to take us anywhere because it took to long for us to get ready. Never mind the fact he could have helped with the boys. He could have helped get them dressed and shoes on. But he didn’t. He’d stand around yelling at me that I was taking too long and that this is why he never takes me anywhere.

I endured seven years of abuse at the hands of my husband. How did it end? My three-year-old son ended it with words that I believe came from God himself. He crawled into my lap one day after a really bad fight between his father and me. He wrapped his little arms around my neck and he said to me “Momma? When I grow up I’m not gonna make my wife cry.” At that exact moment, I knew those words had to have come from God, because there’s no way my son would have known to say that phrase to me at three. That’s when I found so much strength and power I pulled myself up off the floor where I had been left and I told my son “And Daddy’s not going to do it to Mommy anymore”. Then I packed his things and had them waiting for him, along with a note by the front door for when he came home.

          He freaked out on me, then he begged me, and made promises of change..

Was he now after seven years willing to change? No way. I’d heard it all before. Granted this time it was different cause he knew he’d gone too far earlier in the day. After my son’s words, I don’t need to give you details to know it was bad. I stood my ground and he left.

Because, he couldn’t have me he decided to have our sons every other weekend. Was my husband going to have his children? That was a very scary thought. I spent the whole weekend on pins and needles praying my boys would be alright. My husband had to learn how to take care of his children. He had to make sure they were clean, dressed and fed. He had to watch them and take care of them. He was responsible for doing all of the things that he had taken for granted.

During this time, he had an awakening and realized just what it took to care for two kids and a home. Just what I did every day without any help from him.

We reconciled about four months later. I know it seems so very short of time however, to me it felt like forever. I loved my husband so deeply and I wanted to have that perfect family we all thrive to have. Luckily for me I get to tell you a happy ending.

My husband came back home a changed man. God, had to of had a conversation with him, for I don’t know how else he would have transformed into the man he is today, otherwise.

Today, he believes tending to a home and children is a full-time job. He no longer orders me around or gets upset with me for something undone. He has not put a hand on me since the day I made him leave. He goes to work every day with the drive to provide for the family. I’ve got some health issues I’m dealing with at the moment and sometimes I am unable to do the normal things I should. There are day’s he has to stop at the grocery store on the way home because I couldn’t make it out. He’s had to come home and cook dinner because I wasn’t able to do it. On the weekends, he helps me with the house and the laundry. I’m also attending my Master’s degree online and he helps allow for the time to do my studies.

Our boys are grown now and we are almost at year 30 together. We have three grandchildren and we’ve also adopted a little boy who is now 6. My husband is completely different with this little boy. He adores our grandchildren. I couldn’t ask for a better husband, man and best friend if I could design one on my own. Our marriage is stronger than ever and we love each other more and more every day. I believe the only reason why I get to tell you all about this blessed ending is because I believed God had a hand in my marriage. I had faith it would all work out, and it did.

Now, I know there isn’t always a happy ending. That’s something you need to really look at and evaluate in your own relationship. If you want things to change you must find your own inner strength and faith. Once we become strong enough to tell ourselves that we deserve better, we can handle anything that’s thrown at us.  However, you must always remember it takes two to make a relationship and it’s gonna take two to make it work. It takes hard work and dedication; humility cause let’s face it we aren’t perfect or innocent in this troubled relationship. It’ll also take both of you to mend the marriage and it takes both of you to love each other.

I pray for all of you to have your own happily ever after.

 

Hi! I’m Wendy Scott of MAMA OWL INFINITE WISDOM

I specialize in the following services:Pinterest VA or Manager, Life skills, Couple and Parenting Coaching, Health and wellness coach, Freelancer, Blogger & Writer, and Virtual Assistant.

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9 thoughts on “The Good, Bad, and Ugly of Husbands & Fathers

  1. I’m sure I’m not the only one, but I’ve known for years I don’t want to “marry my father”, but I can definitely see some of his qualities in my partner and it scares me. (My father isn’t a bad man though). But I also see my partner like Wendys, he provides but comes home and does nothing – no abuse etc, I am free to do and not do what I want. We are yet to have children, so I hope that changes his view on responsibility!
    I’m so glad it worked out, sometimes love is stronger than anything bad in this world!

  2. I am the luckiest woman alive having married one of the best persons I know who is actually an awesome dad to our daughter!

  3. I’ll be honest and say I have never had the feeling of wanting to marry my father, but I agree my hubby is very similar to him in many ways. Both are good men and great dads. x

    MamiSkilts.co.uk

  4. I wish i could have found a man like my father. My mother had a wonderful and happy life as his wife and i think she would never ask for a better one. Great story Wendy!

  5. My father’s great as much as he has his limitations… they sure served as a reference or me when choosing a partner. But I geared towards his fine characteristics and luckily, I’m with someone who I deeply respect and value.

    Glad things worked out for you! thanks for sharing. Xx

  6. What an interesting read! I definitely never wanted to marry my father or anyone like him – the opposite if anything! I can see how some women might look for similar qualities though. x

  7. Hi Wendy,
    This is a great story. I was reading, expecting you to say you divorced your husband. What a blessing to see you see you stuck with him and are going on 30 years together. I think this is a wonderful testament to the work God can do in a couple that commit to each other.

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